So much for...

Sometimes I really don't know where I stand. I don't know if I'm capable of doing things on my own and/or the truth is I'm scared of reality. It's like I'm living without essence. I'm riding a bus without music to fill in the silence between strangers and the roaring engine. I miss the old me. I miss that old Cath so much, the girl who is so inspired to step out in to the world with positivity and passion. I miss my fail colorful nail arts. The girl that's full of amusement, the girl who sees good in everything.

But now, I'm just one in the crowd.

I'm overrated. Irritated and Confused. I guess it's part of growing up, once you've experience it you tend to be just like everyone else. Coping mechanism. But what I want you to know, I did not chose to be like this. I grow up because people around me pushed me and events just let me be. I'm just sad that I didn't have the chance to save myself from this kind of state. It's just so painful to remember how perfect it is to be the old me. I regret the times, I've said I was glad that I learned my lessons and I was able to be strong for myself, be just like everybody else "ECCENDENTESIAST" fakers. I'm wrong. I just realized that I rather be that innocent girl, one that's being laugh at because of the beauty she sees in everything, kahit mababaw.

 I don't want other people to hold something against me, that's what I am now. I just don't listen to songs that I usually liked before, I can pass a 3 hour travel time with just the sound of people buzzing as I stare blankly. I stare blankly more often now but I just don't reflect anymore. I find my old url annoying, chellyblossomslikeherphotography? What the hell? But soon as I realize I'm missing that chelly, I wish to bloom and blossom again. I annoy myself with my own thoughts, I let others affect me without them knowing it. I have no idea when will I find the companionship to simple things I liked before, I guess I need to let myself breathe. I'm letting myself have the day tomorrow, the day after that, within this sembreak I'm goin' to try my best to meet the old me. Just by starting of with this entry. I'm letting go of hatred, pain, failed everything. I will be happy. I must be happy 'cause I deserve to be happy. Starting to back read my blog! :D It's good I kept a piece of me!